My husband lost his job on December 28, 2014. There is a lot that I could say about this - how the company failed him, how it was unfair, how we are now facing obstacles we have not had to face before and place the blame squarely on someone else's shoulders.
But I won't do that. It's too easy shift the blame and responsibility to someone else; to play the victim and seek sympathy from others. Too many people do this already. While it would be easy to list all that was wrong with that company (and from where I sit, there's plenty) offer only a casual acknowledgment of the mistakes my husband made, I don't want to take the easy path. Right now, I find it a much better options to put the whole thing in the past.
My husband was not happy working there - he laid awake at night, unable to sleep because of the stress it causing. He didn't smile and he always came home grumpy. On a personal level, it was a toxic environment and one that I am glad we no longer have to deal with. Yet, now we are in a state of limbo - I'm a student and caregiver and he was our main source of income. He is tenacious in his job hunting and I am optimistic it won't take long before he is once again employed.
Now it is time to refocus energy and find something that will make him happy. Right now the only certainty we have is the uncertainty of our situation. We don't life in a urban metropolis - more small town surrounded by rural farming communities. Our prospects may seem limited but I feel as long as there are prospects, not all is lost. This is where is willingness to work comes in to play.
With an optimistic outlook, I am looking forward to the new opportunities and adventures of this year.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Breastfeeding
Today I read yet another article about how controversial women breastfeeding their children is. I don't know that I will ever understand where the controversy is in this subject. Maybe it's because I am a woman, though not a mother, that I don't see anything wrong with breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is part of who a woman is when she is a mother. It is a body's natural response to the creation of life. Believe it or not, there was a time that it was the inspiration for art and statuary. How is it that after the sexual revolution and decades of women's rights and feminist movements that we have come to this?
Who exactly is offended by breastfeeding? I have yet to hear a woman say it should be banned in public. So it must be men that are so offended and outraged. These would probably be the same men that enjoy slim, busty women bouncing around on a beach in a string bikini. The logic here seems to be a bit backwards: Something that is completely non-sexual is offensive but something that is overtly sexual is perfectly acceptable.
This one is going to be short, but I'm hoping to get some comments about this, explaining the logic and helping to understand why a woman should feel that she has to hide herself away simply because she is a mother.
To recap:
This is ok,
This is controversial.
Breastfeeding is part of who a woman is when she is a mother. It is a body's natural response to the creation of life. Believe it or not, there was a time that it was the inspiration for art and statuary. How is it that after the sexual revolution and decades of women's rights and feminist movements that we have come to this?
Who exactly is offended by breastfeeding? I have yet to hear a woman say it should be banned in public. So it must be men that are so offended and outraged. These would probably be the same men that enjoy slim, busty women bouncing around on a beach in a string bikini. The logic here seems to be a bit backwards: Something that is completely non-sexual is offensive but something that is overtly sexual is perfectly acceptable.
This one is going to be short, but I'm hoping to get some comments about this, explaining the logic and helping to understand why a woman should feel that she has to hide herself away simply because she is a mother.
To recap:
This is ok,
 |
| By Oscar One [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons |
This is controversial.
 |
| By Fábio Pinheiro from Natal-RN, Brasil [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons |
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Technology
So my husband's computer crashed yesterday. It will not turn on and I can't help but think of all the things that we may have just lost - pictures, documents, music, basically the last five years of his work. I am hoping that my tech savvy husband and brother will be able to salvage the hard drive. The whole situation just sucks right now, but I can't help but thing about our dependence on electronics and technology.
There is no doubt that advances in technology have made the world a much better place that it was two hundred years ago. But we as a society have gotten so accustomed to having technology there to do the hard work that I wonder if we can ever survive without it. It's hard to believe that there was a time that I didn't have a cell phone. It's hard to even think about the first cell phone I had, with its pea green screen, three games and functionality that was limited to calls and texting. Now I have a Window's smart phone so I can call, text, email, video call, check on my blogs and shop no matter where I am.
Think about your house, and your kitchen in particular. How wonderful is to have your food ready to eat with a few beeps of the microwave buttons. What about the convenience of that electric or gas stove? Can you imagine having to build a fire in your stove three times a day to cook? Or how about waiting for the man to bring you a big block of ice for your ice box so you can try to keep food from spoiling for a day or two.
There was a time when being a house wife really was a full time job. I think about my husband's 92 year old grandmother and how difficult it must have been for her to keep a house running with six kids and the modest income of farmer to support them. Women had to know how to cook, sew, clean, mend, and do all those things we don't have to worry about today. If something breaks, today we throw it away and get a new one. How many men out there really know how to fix things anymore? If an appliance breaks down, can the man of the house fix it?
And we are teaching our younger generation to be even more lazy than we are. Instead of putting them on a sports team, we buy them a video game. Instead of encouraging them to understand how to make things work, we show that if something doesn't work you toss it. If you ever get the chance, find an antique store that carries old magazines from about 70-100 years ago. Look for the one geared to boys, teenage and younger. You will find instructions on building things for kids to play with, everything from simple games up to little go karts with small engines in them. That is what kids did for fun - scrounge around their home and neighborhood looking for parts to build things. Today, these kids are generally bullied because they are interested in building technology.
While technology has helped society in so many ways, we have also developed a dependence on it that may ultimately do more harm than good. If we do not know how to survive without the aid of electronics, what would happen to us if a solar flare takes out even some of our satellites. I'm not suggesting that we need to prepare for an imminent doomsday or that we need to be survivalists that can live on twigs and berries. What I am saying is that we need to start looking at our dependence on a technology structure that is more delicate than we want to admit. I know my family will be okay because we know how to work hard and make things for ourselves - but what about the people you know?
There is no doubt that advances in technology have made the world a much better place that it was two hundred years ago. But we as a society have gotten so accustomed to having technology there to do the hard work that I wonder if we can ever survive without it. It's hard to believe that there was a time that I didn't have a cell phone. It's hard to even think about the first cell phone I had, with its pea green screen, three games and functionality that was limited to calls and texting. Now I have a Window's smart phone so I can call, text, email, video call, check on my blogs and shop no matter where I am.
Think about your house, and your kitchen in particular. How wonderful is to have your food ready to eat with a few beeps of the microwave buttons. What about the convenience of that electric or gas stove? Can you imagine having to build a fire in your stove three times a day to cook? Or how about waiting for the man to bring you a big block of ice for your ice box so you can try to keep food from spoiling for a day or two.
There was a time when being a house wife really was a full time job. I think about my husband's 92 year old grandmother and how difficult it must have been for her to keep a house running with six kids and the modest income of farmer to support them. Women had to know how to cook, sew, clean, mend, and do all those things we don't have to worry about today. If something breaks, today we throw it away and get a new one. How many men out there really know how to fix things anymore? If an appliance breaks down, can the man of the house fix it?
And we are teaching our younger generation to be even more lazy than we are. Instead of putting them on a sports team, we buy them a video game. Instead of encouraging them to understand how to make things work, we show that if something doesn't work you toss it. If you ever get the chance, find an antique store that carries old magazines from about 70-100 years ago. Look for the one geared to boys, teenage and younger. You will find instructions on building things for kids to play with, everything from simple games up to little go karts with small engines in them. That is what kids did for fun - scrounge around their home and neighborhood looking for parts to build things. Today, these kids are generally bullied because they are interested in building technology.
While technology has helped society in so many ways, we have also developed a dependence on it that may ultimately do more harm than good. If we do not know how to survive without the aid of electronics, what would happen to us if a solar flare takes out even some of our satellites. I'm not suggesting that we need to prepare for an imminent doomsday or that we need to be survivalists that can live on twigs and berries. What I am saying is that we need to start looking at our dependence on a technology structure that is more delicate than we want to admit. I know my family will be okay because we know how to work hard and make things for ourselves - but what about the people you know?
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Good Soldier/Cheating Spouse
Today I read an article written by a former military spouse whose marriage ended badly. Nothing new there. What has really stuck with me all day is that she said most military marriages end because the service member cheats. While I know it's true that there are many unfaithful service members, I find it hard to believe anyone would say it is the military's fault for creating an environment of indifference and providing so many opportunities to cheat.
To me this is like saying working in bar makes bartenders more likely to be alcoholics. Blaming the environment in which a person works for the decisions they make in their personal life is just another example of what is going wrong with society.
I have been happily married to a soldier for nearly seven years and dated for three years prior to our wedding. In that time we have only actually been in the same place for six years, with the last three years being the longest period of time where we actually were not separated for more than a night or two because of his service. This time frame includes three back to back deployment. He has plenty of opportunities to be unfaithful and yet I have complete faith in him that there has been no infidelities.
Yes, the military makes it easier for either the spouse or the service member to cheat considering the deployments, months they are separated for schools, and field exercises. But in the end, it is the decision of the individual to have extra-marital sex or not. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a passing attraction to another man while my husband was deployed. But I made the decision to be faithful, I would not put myself in a position where I could raise doubt from my husband.
To say the military creates an environment of indifference to me is another excuse. The United States military is the only organization in the country that can sentence a service member to jail time if he is found guilty of committing adultery. Personally, I cannot think of any other profession that would go to such extremes to discourage infidelity. Don't believe me? Look up the Uniformed Code of Military Justice, the laws and regulations that every service member must abide by in addition to the laws of the civilian courts.
It is time we take responsibility for the decisions we make. If a person is inclined to cheat, it won't matter what job they are doing. To me blaming the military for infidelity is like blaming McDonald's for obesity. Quit pushing your mistakes on someone else, let's start taking responsibility for the decisions we make, especially in our personal relationships. Because if we can't do that, society will begin to fall apart and there will be no one left to blame.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Family Can Be...
Family can be so many things. My family tends to lean more toward the "I-told-you-so" type of family. I'm sure you know what I mean. They will tell you whatever your dream might be it is stupid and unobtainable. They will tell you all the reason why you can't do it and why it's a bad idea. Then, if you fail they are quick to stay "I told you so" just to make themselves somehow feel better. It wouldn't be fair for me to say my entire family is like that, but I'd have to say more than half.
I'm one of those rare individuals that prefers my in-laws to my blood family. I'm constantly in awe of my them, even after the seven years that my husband and I have been married. His family is so supportive and rarely hold grudges, and if there is some bad blood it is not gossiped about. I've never been around a group of people that made me feel so welcomed and cared for. They give me what I've always longed for from my own family.
I feel blessed to have experienced that sort of family environment. I had always felt that the only time I would ever be part of a real family is when I was a mother. I'm not yet a mother but I feel that I have a support system around me that is going to support me no matter what I choose to do.
When I was growing up, my mother bounced from one husband to another and I never felt that I had that family I could lean. My siblings all lived with other people so I was essentially an only child. The only person that gave me any sense of stability was my grandmother. To my husband, I described her as a cranky old bat - but she was my cranky old bat. She was opinionated and honest; she knew she made mistakes in her life; she knew she had made the best apologies she could for those mistakes and she wasn't about to dwell on them. She would make the occasional snide comment behind someone's back but at her age, I felt she deserved that privilege.
When my grandmother passed, it took my mother all of fifteen minutes to start complaining about my aunts and uncles. How fake they were and how they had not been there for her until she died. I was distracted by grief otherwise I would have reminded her that I was the only one who remembered her last birthday and Mother's Day. As I worked through my grief, I felt a sense of peace. I didn't have any unresolved issues or hurt feelings. I had always tried to make her feel remembered and still cared for. I wasn't a perfect granddaughter, but I also accepted her for who she was.
I guess the moral of the story is family is what we make it, like most things in life. I could easily choose to focus on all the negativity my family likes to create, or I can focus on the positive environment and relationships I want to have with the people in my life now. We don't get to choose who we are related but we can decide how they influence us. I have seen the cycle and am in the process of breaking it. I will not allow my family to hold me back, and I feel like any one who uses their family as an excuse for their shortcomings need to grow up.
I'm one of those rare individuals that prefers my in-laws to my blood family. I'm constantly in awe of my them, even after the seven years that my husband and I have been married. His family is so supportive and rarely hold grudges, and if there is some bad blood it is not gossiped about. I've never been around a group of people that made me feel so welcomed and cared for. They give me what I've always longed for from my own family.
I feel blessed to have experienced that sort of family environment. I had always felt that the only time I would ever be part of a real family is when I was a mother. I'm not yet a mother but I feel that I have a support system around me that is going to support me no matter what I choose to do.
When I was growing up, my mother bounced from one husband to another and I never felt that I had that family I could lean. My siblings all lived with other people so I was essentially an only child. The only person that gave me any sense of stability was my grandmother. To my husband, I described her as a cranky old bat - but she was my cranky old bat. She was opinionated and honest; she knew she made mistakes in her life; she knew she had made the best apologies she could for those mistakes and she wasn't about to dwell on them. She would make the occasional snide comment behind someone's back but at her age, I felt she deserved that privilege.
When my grandmother passed, it took my mother all of fifteen minutes to start complaining about my aunts and uncles. How fake they were and how they had not been there for her until she died. I was distracted by grief otherwise I would have reminded her that I was the only one who remembered her last birthday and Mother's Day. As I worked through my grief, I felt a sense of peace. I didn't have any unresolved issues or hurt feelings. I had always tried to make her feel remembered and still cared for. I wasn't a perfect granddaughter, but I also accepted her for who she was.
I guess the moral of the story is family is what we make it, like most things in life. I could easily choose to focus on all the negativity my family likes to create, or I can focus on the positive environment and relationships I want to have with the people in my life now. We don't get to choose who we are related but we can decide how they influence us. I have seen the cycle and am in the process of breaking it. I will not allow my family to hold me back, and I feel like any one who uses their family as an excuse for their shortcomings need to grow up.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
The First Of May
It is the first day of May. A new month, a new season and new opportunities. One thing it means for me is that I am only a short time from getting my garden in the ground. Growing up in Southern California, I never had a chance to grow things. My mother hardly had a green thumb or the time to even attempt to keep a house plant alive. Living in rented homes and apartments were never all that conducive to learning about gardening. Had you told me twenty years ago that one day I would be excited about planting a garden and canning the harvest, I would have told you you were crazy.
Now that I live in a small town in Southern Idaho, I have a huge back yard with cherry trees and plenty of space for a garden. Last year my husband and I built four raised garden boxes. We have several garden spaces set up for flowers, but the boxes are strictly for vegetables. I love my garden, I love knowing where my food has come from.
Yes, canning vegetables takes a lot of time and a lot of work. But knowing that my food is clean, free of preservatives, excess salt, and chemicals is well worth the time and energy. Now I'm not the kind that goes all health food crazy or insists on organic everything. I am all about convenience - I like foods that are quick and easy to prepare. Let's face it, we are all extremely busy so having healthy food on hand, ready to go on a moments notice makes life a little easier.
Not everyone can have big gardens, but if you can enjoy it. Take the time to be outside, playing in the dirt, growing foods that will help keep your family healthy. In the long run it may also save you quite a bit of money.
Now that I live in a small town in Southern Idaho, I have a huge back yard with cherry trees and plenty of space for a garden. Last year my husband and I built four raised garden boxes. We have several garden spaces set up for flowers, but the boxes are strictly for vegetables. I love my garden, I love knowing where my food has come from.
Yes, canning vegetables takes a lot of time and a lot of work. But knowing that my food is clean, free of preservatives, excess salt, and chemicals is well worth the time and energy. Now I'm not the kind that goes all health food crazy or insists on organic everything. I am all about convenience - I like foods that are quick and easy to prepare. Let's face it, we are all extremely busy so having healthy food on hand, ready to go on a moments notice makes life a little easier.
Not everyone can have big gardens, but if you can enjoy it. Take the time to be outside, playing in the dirt, growing foods that will help keep your family healthy. In the long run it may also save you quite a bit of money.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
I don't want the government in my bedroom...
Today I read that Hugh Hefner is taking issue with the use of birth control and women's sexual behavior as a political platform. Honestly, it's about time. I'm not a prude by any means, but I also believe that people have the right to do what they feel is best for them. Why is it politicians feel they can dictate what a woman does? Is it just easier to bully women around then face the real issues that we as a nation are facing?
Saying that a woman should not have access to birth control because it will make her want to have sex is absurd. I suppose the next step will be to go back to the idea that if a woman is raped it is her fault. We are not living in the dark ages anymore. We are in a technological age of enlightenment, we fight wars to insure the freedoms of third world populations, but women in the United States are supposed to let the government have control over their uterus.
I think it is wonderful that female law makers across the country are introducing bills to restrict men's access to drugs like Viagra. If women are not supposed to have sex, why are we giving men drugs to make them want to perform? Conservatives really need to straighten out what message they are trying to get across.
This is how I see it: women should not get access to birth control because it will make them want to have sex. Apparently women should not have sex for enjoyment, it is a physical obligation in order to continue the species. Men are told they are not masculine if they refrain from intercourse, they are given drugs to insure they can continue to procreate long after their bodies have naturally told them to stop. So men can have sex, women can't. Who are men supposed to be having sex with? Conservatives say homosexuality is wrong, so what are we really supposed to be getting from this?
My belief is that if women can not have birth control or abortions, men should not have Viagra or vasectomies. Now, I do not believe in abortion as birth control. I have struggled for years to get pregnant so the idea that a girl would abort a child when I can't have one just makes me sick. However, I also understand that every woman has the right to do what she wants with her body. Where is the sexual equality?
I am not conservative, not be any stretch of the imagination, but I do believe in family values. I do believe in the importance and preciousness of marriage and family. I do believe I can make better choices for my body and my life than a politician who does not know me and has no medical education. I think we all need to remind the politicians that they have no place in our bedrooms, so stop trying to use it as a road to office.
Saying that a woman should not have access to birth control because it will make her want to have sex is absurd. I suppose the next step will be to go back to the idea that if a woman is raped it is her fault. We are not living in the dark ages anymore. We are in a technological age of enlightenment, we fight wars to insure the freedoms of third world populations, but women in the United States are supposed to let the government have control over their uterus.
I think it is wonderful that female law makers across the country are introducing bills to restrict men's access to drugs like Viagra. If women are not supposed to have sex, why are we giving men drugs to make them want to perform? Conservatives really need to straighten out what message they are trying to get across.
This is how I see it: women should not get access to birth control because it will make them want to have sex. Apparently women should not have sex for enjoyment, it is a physical obligation in order to continue the species. Men are told they are not masculine if they refrain from intercourse, they are given drugs to insure they can continue to procreate long after their bodies have naturally told them to stop. So men can have sex, women can't. Who are men supposed to be having sex with? Conservatives say homosexuality is wrong, so what are we really supposed to be getting from this?
My belief is that if women can not have birth control or abortions, men should not have Viagra or vasectomies. Now, I do not believe in abortion as birth control. I have struggled for years to get pregnant so the idea that a girl would abort a child when I can't have one just makes me sick. However, I also understand that every woman has the right to do what she wants with her body. Where is the sexual equality?
I am not conservative, not be any stretch of the imagination, but I do believe in family values. I do believe in the importance and preciousness of marriage and family. I do believe I can make better choices for my body and my life than a politician who does not know me and has no medical education. I think we all need to remind the politicians that they have no place in our bedrooms, so stop trying to use it as a road to office.
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